i am the man who suffers before it is necesary and i will suffers more than is necessary

i know its my decisions, and not my conditions, that determine my destiny.
mungkin aku perlu sedar bahawa aku hampir mencecah ke umur 20 tahun. Sudah tiba untuk pikir tentang masa depan. i have to start for making a right decision right now to determine my future. tapi bukan mudah utuk berubah, sudah pasti itu sesuatu yang sukar. Aku perlukan seorang kawan atau teman yang mampu memapah kearah perubahan itu. tapi aku tak pasti sama ada perubahan itu kearah yang baik atau sebaliknya.

Boleh aku tahu di mana untuk mendapatkan seorang sahabat yang mampu sedarkan aku tentang kejayaan pada masa hadapan dan sanggup mengendong aku di belakangnya utuk saling menuju kearah itu.

Sejujurnya aku mamang  percaya yang sehabat itu tidak pernah wujud dunia ini. Jadi buat masa sekarang aku tak akan membuang masa utk mencari sahabat itu.
Ada orang ckap sehabat adalah seseorang yang akan ada di sisi kita sama ada di waktu senang atau susah.
selama aku hidup di dunia ini, aku masih lagi tidak menemui sabat seperti itu. Aku percaya bahawa '' true friend doesnt exist".

sekarang aku dah bersusia 18 tahun 9 bulan. now i realize that i have to stop blame my condition for what i become right now. Now i also realize that the hardest step in achieving anything is making a true commitment_a true decision.
carry out my commitment is often much easier than the decision it self.
Everything I do, I do either out of my need to avoid pain and my desire to gain pleasure.
Im afraid to go for next step.!! Im a “prosconation”person. I don’t know how to spell and pronouns that word. But I know that mean to me is: I know what I have to do to change my self, but I don’t do that. Its just because im is a stupid person in this word. I hate my self more than u all hate me.that what exactly other don’t see inside my self. I don’t care  if other will say the bad thing about me. Because for me: what u think bout me is none of my business, that most important thing is what im thinking bout my self. Plus I hate my self and that y I give u all a chance to insult me. Yep. I am damn funny right??  I hope I can finde a place that I can scream and no one can hear me. I think being crazy is the best part in this life because I don’t have to think bout my self anymore.. i have my own way to live my life..

 

 give me a chance to cry please..!